Tuesday, October 28th--4:30 pm

Greetings,

I WILL be taking this Friday off from teaching. So....no class this Friday, October 31st.

See you tomorrow.

And...if you have not yet read the sample out of class essay 2 posted on the blog last week, please do. If you have any questions about it, please be prepared to ask them tomorrow in class. We will be looking at another sample in class tomorrow.

Sunday, October 26th, around 7:15 pm

Hello,

just a quick note.
I have had two students email me to ask me about what readings will Writing Response #4 be on.

As always, writing responses are focused on the readings assigned to be read on the same day the writing response takes place in class.

So, Writing Response #4, originally scheduled for last Wednesday, will be on the readings assigned on that same day: Packet #6. It can be found on the October 16th blog. Technically, you should have already read this Packet in preparation for last Wednesday's class. :)

See you tomorrow.

Saturday, October 25th, 2014--7:45 pm

Greetings,

In class Writing Response #4, originally scheduled for last Wednesday, will take place this Monday, the  27th.

Hope you are having an enjoyable and safe weekend.

See you Monday. And thank you again, all of you, for your understanding and patience.
I WILL get through this semester, and it will be due in part, I am certain, because of your kindness.

READ IMMEDIATELY. Wednesday, October 22nd. 6:32 am

I have sent emails to all of you, but I want to make sure as many of you as possible find out quickly.
I awoke with a very intense migraine this morning. A neighbor is taking me to Urgent Care in a few moments.

I am so very sorry to have to cancel classes today.

second posting for Tuesday, October 21st, 2014--8:40 pm

Greetings,

Below you will find a sample student response to out of class essay #2. 

There is no need to print this out and bring it to class. However, I recommend that you read through it and consider my notes regarding the essay.

1. Note that the Works Cited page has no indentions. I just could not copy and paste the essay here without the formatting changing. The student DID tab in the second and consecutive lines of each source, as required.

2.  In the first paragraph, the writer refers to a film titled Parents and Down Syndrome. Then, later in the same paragraph, the writer mentions the film again, but places quotes around the title. In final editing, be sure to proofread for MLA documentation errors. Be consistent. Remember, the in-text citation should "match" the Works Cited page exactly. 

3. It quickly becomes tedious and wordy if you refer to the author and the title of a source every time you utilize the source in your essay. For example, throughout this essay, the writer is a little redundant. 

I am going to assume that you will notice this as you read. In order to "mix it up," you can paraphrase and then simply provide an in-text citation to indicate the source.

4. The writer constructs a very interesting, well-focused and compelling introduction paragraph--with an articulate and assertive thesis statement.

5. I would like you to surmise that this essay is a strong, well-researched essay: well focused, clearly organized, and insightfully developed and supported.

A Child Diagnosed With Down Syndrome

        When any parent is informed that their child has Down syndrome, their world comes to a complete stop. They are too overwhelmed by the emotional ramifications of the diagnosis.  All that is running through their minds is that raising their child will be much more challenging than one without disabilities.  In a video titled, Parents and Down Syndrome, Kim, a mother of an affected child, describes that she felt hopeless when she found out her son had Down syndrome.  In “How to Raise a Child With Down Syndrome: Advice and Resources,” author Amy Julia Becker says it felt daunting to just process the medical, social, educational, and behavioral challenges ahead.  Typically, new parents only hear the negatives about Down syndrome and receive very little support from one of the people they trust the most, their doctor.  Jane, another mother from “Parents and Down Syndrome” says that when new moms get their diagnosis, their doctors say, “Your baby has Down syndrome, when do you want to terminate?”  This shows the mindset that doctors have towards the condition—that abortion should immediately follow diagnosis.  It is as if new parents have no other choice because the outcomes and risks are unpredictable in each case.  Ultimately, the parents’ love and desire to protect and nurture their newborn baby gives them the courage to conquer upcoming challenges.  When a child is born with Down syndrome, the family faces many challenges, especially with adjusting socially, economically, and structurally.

        Down syndrome is a genetic condition that causes human birth defects.  While normal humans are born with two copies of each chromosome, one from each parent, individuals with Down syndrome have three copies of the entire, or portions of, chromosome 21.  This occurs due to non-disjunction at chromosome 21, an error in cell division that leads to a disproportionate number of chromosome copies in a human egg or sperm cell.  According to “Down Syndrome Facts,” DSACT expresses that the cause of non-disjunction is still unknown, however, the probability of this occurrence increases as the mother’s age increases.  According to an article titled, “Down syndrome phenotypes: The consequences of chromosomal imbalance” published in the Proceedings of National Academy of Sciences, Down syndrome is the major cause of mental retardation and congenial heart disease.  In addition, the condition leads to delays in physical and intellectual development (“Down Syndrome Facts”).  Children with Down syndrome have slowed growth development and distinct physical characteristics. Most affected individuals do not reach their average adult height.  Some physical features include upward slanting eyes, flattened nose, small ears, small mouth, decreased muscle tone at birth, and excess skin at the nape of the neck (“Down Syndrome”).  Intellectually, children with Down syndrome may have mild to moderate impairments and would need physical, speech, and developmental therapy services early in life (“Down Syndrome Facts”).   Although the acceptance of having a child with Down syndrome can be difficult, the hardships that affected families endure make them stronger, closer, and more focused on the things that really matter in life (“Trick or Treat: Having a child…”).

        Adjusting socially to having a child with Down syndrome can be very challenging for not only the affected person, but also for the family members as well.  In a study conducted by Sari, HY, et al. from Pediatric Nursing in Turkey, affected families had limited social contact outside the family, concealed their child’s condition from their families, and had negative reactions from strangers.  They also found that families who had children ages 1-3 had the most limitations on social contacts because their children needed more care.  One mother who was interviewed mentioned that she could not do something as simple as joining social activities or visiting people because her affected son was always sick and suffered from upper-respiratory tract infections.  She did not want to endure the troubles of bringing her son along with her to public places.  Other mothers said that they were not able to visit other people because they were afraid that their child would attract attention.  Some parents refuse to tell their families that their child has Down syndrome out of fear that it might be frowned upon.  In "Meriel’s story: having a child with Down’s syndrome," Meriel explains her struggle in revealing the news of her affected daughter to her family.  She believes that her mother is ashamed of her situation because she does not want to tell anyone.  Sari, HY, et. al also found that the families of children in all age groups experienced negative reactions from strangers.  One family recalls a time when their new neighbors expressed that they were afraid of him and thought he was “insane.”  The affected son responded very aggressively and asked self-deprecating questions to his mother, including why she gave birth to him, why his face looks the way it does, and why he cannot think and speak well.  Strangers have gone to great lengths to express their disapproval by also making references to Christianity.  In the study conducted by Sari, HY, et. al, one person said, “When you visit someone, you start to get questions like ‘You believe in God, right?’ ‘Did you marry a close relative?’ ‘Maybe this is a punishment for something you have done.’”  In a related article by Andrea Useem, titled “How Does Religion Influence the Choice to Continue a Down Syndrome Pregnancy?" she states that termination rates for prenatal Down syndrome diagnoses are high, possibly because people do not want to receive such negative reactions.  The families of children with Down syndrome are so heavily influenced by these negative responses from everyone who surrounds them that they must cope by altering their daily lives.

In many cases, affected families endure financial struggles in caring for their child with Down syndrome.  Children with Down syndrome are likely to develop serious health conditions that require extra medical attention than a typical child.  This varies on a case-by-case basis.  In “Down syndrome phenotypes: The consequences of chromosomal imbalance,” Korenberg, et. al explain that Down syndrome is a major cause of congenital heart disease and is associated “with congenital anomalies of the gastrointestinal tract, an increased risk of leukemia, immune system defects, and an Alzheimer-like dementia.”  The cost of treating these conditions, if applicable, can be very expensive.  According to Waitzman’s 1996 analysis result of direct medical costs by individuals with Down syndrome, the annual per-capita medical costs for a child age 0-1 is $27,265.  It decreases for children between the ages of 2 and 17, but then rises to $7,529 for children 18 years and over.  This could be difficult for anyone raising a child with developmental disabilities because the treatments for these conditions are very costly.  Most parents intend to provide enough financial support to ensure that their children are economically stable in the future, but this can be very difficult for families with affected children.  At often times, they are unable to do so because of their economic situations (Sari, HY et. al).   Although the average cost of a child with Down syndrome may vary due to the uniqueness of every case (mild or moderate), the cost is still much higher than a child with no developmental disabilities.

        In addition to adjusting socially, families must adjust structurally to ensure that they are providing enough care for the child with Down syndrome.  Parents cope by making changes in their work schedules and by gaining assistance from their other children, if applicable.  Some parents are pressured into making career sacrifices that would allow them more time to take on more responsibilities.  In several cases, some mothers will switch from working full-time to part-time in order to make themselves more available to their child (“Cost”).  For families with multiple children, most parents would ideally divide their time equally amongst their kids, but becomes impossible to do so for children with Down syndrome because they require extra attention.  This leads other siblings to take personal responsibility for their affected sibling when needed.  In an interview with Yannick Aranas, a college student, describes his personal experiences growing up with his affected younger brother.  “Isaiah is very dependent--he will not execute his personal humanly needs like eating and using the bathroom until he is told to,” he says.  As a result, Yannick needed to take the personal responsibility of caring for his brother while his parents were at work.   “Maybe that is why I never tried any activities when I was younger.  I did not learn how to play an instrument or play a sport like my friends did.  I am not quite sure when in my life I was able to fully understand his condition, but looking after him was something that I had to do.”  The family structure is not only affected in the present, but also in the future.  At often times, individuals with Down syndrome are placed in a home for the remainder of their adulthood, while others remain under the care of their families.  “When I get older, I want to take my parents’ responsibility of caring for Isaiah.  I will have him live with me when I start my own family because I do not want to put him in a ‘home.’  I want him to live normally with a family that loves him.”  Even though it is a struggle to provide extra care for a child or sibling with Down syndrome, it allows the child to live their life as normally as possible while strengthening the family bond.

        There is no doubt that parents would rather have a child with no disabilities.  However, with the right information, a strong support system, and extensive care, Down syndrome does not need to have a negative label.  In fact, in Amy Julia Becker’s article, “How to Raise a Child With Down Syndrome: Advice and Resources,” she quotes Sue Levine’s six-year study published in American Journal of Medical Genetics that 99% of people with Down syndrome feel happy with their lives. Becker also reports that having a family member with Down syndrome has been an eye-opening and inspiring experience.  As their child grows and develops more, most mothers are glad that they did not terminate their pregnancy because of everything that they have learned so far about raising a child with a disorder.  From the video titled, “Parents and Down Syndrome,” Lynn, a mother of a Down syndrome child, tells other expecting parents that even though it does not feel like it at first, it is truly a blessing to have a child with Down syndrome.  Moreover, siblings of the child with the condition have grown to be more patient and accepting because of the hardships that they have endured (Becker).  Roughly 79% of parents have learned to appreciate the small things in life and believe that true success is not measured by accomplishments or possessions, but by the love and small victories.  Certainly, raising a child with Down syndrome comes with many challenges, but the joys definitely outweigh the struggles.

Works Cited

Aranas, Yannick. Personal interview. 1 Nov. 2013.

Becker, Amy Julia. "How to Raise a Child With Down Syndrome: Advice and Resources."    Parents.com, 2012. Web. 26 Oct. 2013.

"Cost." The Complete Guide to DOWN SYNDROME. N.p., n.d. Web. 27 Oct. 2013.

"Down Syndrome." The New York Times. N.p., 16 May 2012. Web. 26 Oct. 2013.

"Down Syndrome Facts." Down Syndrome Association of Central Texas (DSACT). N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Oct. 2013.

"Down syndrome phenotypes: The consequences of chromosomal imbalance." Proceedings of The National Academy of Sciences 91 (2012). Web. 26 Oct. 2013.

"Meriel’s story: having a child with Down’s syndrome." Telling Stories. N.p., n.d. Web. 26 Oct. 2013.

Parents and Down Syndrome - CBN.com. 2012. The Christian Broadcasting Network. Web. 27    Oct. 2013.

Sari, HY, G Baser, and JM Turan. “Experiences of Mothers Of Children With Down Syndrome.” Pediatric Nursing 18.4 (2006): 29-32. CINAHL Plus with Full Text. Web. 25 Oct. 2013

"Trick or Treat: Having a child with Down syndrome will ruin your life." Bringing The Sunshine (No Matter the Weather). N.p., 27 Oct. 2011. Web. 26 Oct. 2013.

Useem, Andrea. "How Does Religion Influence the Choice to Continue a Down Syndrome Pregnancy?" NBC New York. N.p., 5 Sept. 2008. Web. 26 Oct. 2013.

Waitzman, . Table III.8-1: Annual Per-Capita Medical Costs of . Chart. Chapter III.8 ed. N.p.: n.p., n.d. N. pag. Web. 27 Oct. 2013.

Tuesday, October 21st, 2014--6 pm

Greetings,

I am going to cancel class on this FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24TH.
Please move the Rules of Thumb assignment to Monday, October 27th.

Thanks, again, for understanding.

See you tomorrow, Wednesday!

Monday, October 20th, 2014--6:45 pm

Greetings,

below you will find a copy of out of class essay assignment #2, which was distributed and explained in detail during today's class.

Later this evening, or tomorrow, I will post at least one sample student response to this prompt.

ENGLISH 20—FALL 2014—C. FRAGA, INSTRUCTOR

OUT OF CLASS ESSAY ASSIGNMENT #2

Date assigned: Monday, October 20

Rough draft: due to my personal circumstances, I will be unable to view rough drafts for this assignment. I am too far behind in grading. This means that all students will have the option of revision.

Final draft due: Monday, November 10^th (please note the due date change, from the 7^th to the 10^th)

Details/Requirements:

1. Follow MLA format for the set-up of your essay and for your documentation of sources.

2. A minimum of 5 outside sources on your Works Cited page. If you utilize personal interviews, be sure there are not MORE interviews than resources from professional and/or academic publications. The best place to start is the home page of the Sacramento State Library. By this time in your college career, you should be very familiar with the AMAZING databases available to you, just a click away!

3. Please, no Wikipedia or encyclopedias as primary sources

4. No formulaic, 5 paragraph essay

ESSAY PROMPT:

Among many things, the series Breaking Bad focuses on the family entity and what happens when something quite extraordinary occurs—how do various members of the family cope, adjust, and/or “deal” with the event/situation? (In the case of this series, obviously it is Walter’s cancer that is the ‘event’).

I am not referring to the everyday “bumps in the road” that occur for all families. Instead, I am asking you to consider the family unit when faced with an especially challenging situation. These situations could include but are not limited to:

death                              bipolar disorder                       

birth                              asberger’s syndrome

infidelity                              complications from a stroke

serious injury                        alcoholism

dementia                                                            drug abuse

serious illness                        incarceration

divorce                              anorexia

unemployment                        bulimia

new employment                  spousal abuse

moving to a new home/state/area/country

the return of a war veteran

moving BACK home after initially moving OUT

suicide

severe depression

‘coming out’ in the LBGT community

adoption

autism

deafness

sexual abuse

Select ONE situation that you are most interested in exploring. You will conduct research (and possibly personal interviews) in order to write an essay that offers the reader a brief background on the topic and makes an assertion about what the most significant challenges are for a family coping with a significant issue, and support your assertions logically and interestingly.

For example, imagine that you choose to explore how unemployment impacts a family unit. As you research, you will narrow your topic and select the supportive details that will make the most compelling argument. Let’s suppose that you discovered that the following issues are the repercussions of unemployment when the main “breadwinner” loses her job:  depression; low self esteem; problems with intimacy; insomnia; eating disorders; financial hardship; foreclosure; etc. As the writer, you will need to select the issues that YOU, based on YOUR research, believe are the MOST challenging of all the issues.

If you wish to focus on a situation that you are familiar with firsthand, that is fine. However, this essay is not a narrative. It is a research and rhetorical analysis essay. In other words, you can certainly utilize personal observations and experiences, but you CANNOT rely on them to in any way be the main supports for your essay.

Your thesis might read something like this:

When a family member develops dementia, the challenges are often devastating, yet the disease definitely impacts family members more than the dementia patient.

Or…

When a couple divorces, it most certainly impacts the children still living at home; however, it is the older children who have already moved away that are most affected by the split.

Thursday, October 16th, 2014--3 pm

Greetings,

As I have already mentioned, I am very buried in papers to grade. I teach five writing courses, so you can imagine how things have piled up in the course of a few weeks. It is especially daunting because I have never been this behind and always make a huge effort to return student work within one week after receiving it.

It has been one week today since the loss of my husband and I know, intellectually, that it will eventually feel better than it does now.

With that in mind, I am going to cancel class tomorrow, Friday, October 17th.

I will assign out of class essay #2 on Monday.
Be prepared to discuss BB through episode 5.

Below is the assignment for Packet #6, due to be read by Wednesday, October 22nd.

Have a good, safe weekend.  See you Monday.

PACKET 6 ASSIGNMENT--3 items

We will be exploring the issue of gun control. I have listed a brief pro and con list to help you become more familiar with the topic. Consider this list one of the readings. The others are posted beneath the pro and con list.

Yes

No

Most violent crimes are committed with guns; thus, restricting gun ownership will likely reduce the number of such crimes. Lunatics, bullied school kids, disgruntled workers, and others can inflict mass casualties with guns that otherwise wouldn't be possible. A crime victim who has a gun may be in more danger than an unarmed person since the criminal may kill in perceived self-defense. Suicides and crimes of passion are higher with gun availability, as it's much easier to act immediately on your impulses when a gun is available. The 2nd Amendment of the Constitution was targeted towards militia, e.g. the National Guard, rather than individuals. Crimes that may have been less harmful can be made more dangerous by adding a gun. Legalized gun ownership means guns have a greater chance of falling into the hands of kids, potentially resulting in some deadly accidents. Terrorism, school shootings, and other modern circumstances make guns more dangerous nowadays.

Criminals will always find a way to obtain their guns, leaving law-abiding citizens without any weapons to use in defense. Crimes are often prevented by the deterrent effect of the possibility of victim gun possession. The 2nd Amendment to the Constitution protects the individual's right to gun ownership. Woman and weaker individuals may have no means of self-defense from rape or other crimes, especially in the inner city. Guns in the possession of citizens are an added protection against government tyranny. Police are often too overwhelmed to protect all citizens from violent crime. Banning guns will create another potentially large source of organized criminal revenue, as a black market for guns will surely develop. Banning guns will take away yet another piece of our liberty, which is one more step to socialism and totalitarianism. Reasonable gun control & education steps can be put in place, so an outright ban is unnecessary.

"Gabby Giffords Launches New Gun Control Campaign.."
by Henry Gass
http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/USA-Update/2014/1014/Gabby-Giffords-launches-new-gun-control-campaign-and-it-s-all-about-women-video

"How Much Do You Know about the Second Amendment? A Quiz"
http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Justice/2011/1104/How-much-do-you-know-about-the-Second-Amendment-A-quiz/Topic-of-Second-Amendment
(please take the quiz)

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014--8 pm

Hello,

below is an excerpt from the syllabus that explains how revisions work. As you will note, no revisions can be submitted after the 13th week.
When submitting a revision, please highlight changes on the revised essay and attach the graded essay with my comments to the back of the revision.

I am making every effort to return essay one, sections 3 and 8, as SOON as possible. It is often difficult for me to focus for long periods of time in order to grade, but I am slowly working my way through the piles. I really appreciate your patience. Believe me, I would much rather be working my way through the piles than writing my husband's obituary for the newspaper.

ABOUT REVISIONS: you have the option to revise out of class essays 1 and 2. However, in order to take advantage of this revision opportunity, you must submit a rough draft by the rough draft due date on the syllabus. In other words, rough drafts ARE optional, but not if you wish to have the option to revise. (Definition of a Rough Draft:  a completed draft of your essay. It must clearly have a beginning, middle and end. Of course, it will be rough, with possible editing errors and development issues, but it must clearly demonstrate that you have conducted most if not all of your research). Once you receive your graded essay back, there is no due date for the revision. However, all revisions must be submitted by the 13^th week. (see syllabus) No exceptions. AFTER YOU SUBMIT THE FIRST REVISION AND RECEIVE IT BACK, YOU MAY CONTINUE REVISING UNTIL YOU ARE SATISFIED WITH YOUR SCORE. Please note: you will not have time to revise out of class essay 3. However, you MAY submit a rough draft if you wish.

Tuesday, October 14th, 2014--6 pm

Greetings,
there WILL be class tomorrow.
See you then.

second post for Saturday, October 11th...

I forgot to give you information about the in class essay on Monday.
It will cover episodes one through four of Breaking Bad and you may, of course, refer to your Viewer's Journal during class.

The topic will be life priorities.
As we go through life, our own list of priorities obviously changes...based on age, goals, desires, needs.
Sometimes the list becomes longer, sometimes it becomes shorter.

Think about the five main characters in the series: Walter, Skyler, Hank, Marie and Jesse.
Considering what you have observed in the first four episodes, what do you think would be on their priority list right now?

For the prompt, you will select ONE of these characters and make an assertion about what three or four items would be top on their priority list in life. Be prepared, then, to explain and support your assertion.

Saturday, October 11, 2014--9:30 am

Hello,

There has been more changes to the syllabus, yet again. 

At this moment, I am planning to be in class on Monday. I may take Wednesday off, but I will let you know later.

Below are the weeks that have changes. I have also made the changes on the syllabus posted on the blog on the first day.

And, thank you to all of you who have sent messages. There are no words.

Week Seven October 13-17

In class essay #1—please remember to bring a green (or blue) book to class today (Monday) (You may use either size green or blue book—it makes no difference to me.)

In depth review of grammar & sentence structure #1 (Wednesday)

Watch 5th episode of Breaking Bad (Friday)

Week Eight October 20-24
Out of class essay #2 assigned today (Monday)

How does rhetoric impact your academic, career and personal life? (Mon.)

In class Writing Response #4 (Wednesday)

Read Packet #6 (Wednesday)

Read Part 4 on Style in Rules of Thumb—pgs. 169-187 (Fri.)

Week Nine  October 27-31

Rough draft, optional, for out of class essay 2 due today, via email, no later than midnight (Monday)

How to Read Critically--lecture (Wednesday & Friday)

Week Ten November 3-7
Group Work #1 (Monday)

Read Packet #7 (Wednesday)

Discuss Procedures and Details for Taking the WPJ exam (Wednesday)

In class essay #2—practice WPJ (Friday) remember to bring blue or green book today.

Thursday, October 9th, 2014--10 am

Hello,
I have sent an email to all of you, but in case you do not receive the message, I am canceling class for tomorrow, Friday, October 10th.

Sunday, October 5th, 2014--7:30 pm

Hello,
below you will find the assignment for Reading Packet #5, due to be completed by Wednesday, this week, October 8th.
As was with our focus on health care, this topic, the war on drugs, also is gleaned from the Breaking Bad series, season 1.

Packet #5 Assignment --three items!

***"Tackling America's Drug Addiction"
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=127937271
(this is actually an audio--a 4 minute and 50 second interview that was recorded on National Public Radio in June of 2010.)

***"Confessions of a Mom (and a Former Teen Pothead)"
http://www.npr.org/blogs/tellmemore/2010/10/19/130677774/confessions-from-a-mom-and-former-teen-pot-head

***"How the Drug War Hurts Everybody" 
http://www.salon.com/2012/04/12/how_the_drug_war_hurts_everyone/

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2014--1:50 am

Hello,

I am still so overwhelmed with all that is going on in my life.

And the fact that I am so very behind in reading through rough drafts is really not helping my sanity.

After a lot of thought late into the evening, I have decided that the only way to handle the situation with the unread rough drafts, and still keep the momentum of the semester, is to not read the rough drafts still waiting to be read.

If you have not received back your rough draft with my comments, please continue to work on the essay and prepare a final draft for Monday. Re-visit the prompt and the six bulleted points.

Even if you did not receive my feedback, you will STILL be able to revise if you submitted a rough draft. 

Below I have posted the evaluation sheet I fill out for every final draft of an out of class essay. It should give you a fairly precise idea of the elements I focus on.

Again, I apologize for such a strange week. My two sons fly into Sacramento on Friday and I know it will be a difficult and emotional weekend. I really needed to let go of the stress of reviewing the rough drafts. I hope this seems fair.

See you Monday. Have a good and safe weekend.

NAME______________________________________________ENG.20---FALL SEMESTER 2014

Out of Class Essay #1—Evaluation

Grade Earned:___________________

General Comments:

If there is a check (    ) next to an item or items listed below, this indicates one or more of those errors was found in your essay. I WILL ALWAYS NOTE MOST ERRORS, AT LEAST ONCE, DIRECTLY ON THE ESSAY; HOWEVER, I DO NOT INDICATE EVERY ERROR. You are the final editor/proofreader of your work. Whether or not you choose to revise this essay, please take note of the errors so they are not repeated in your next essay.

_____sentence level errors (comma splice; run on; fragment; spelling error; punctuation error; error in capitalization; etc.)

_____paragraph (s) has more than one main idea

_____problems with transitions between paragraphs

_____wordiness

_____repetitiveness

_____issues with tense

_____lack of sentence variety (in length and/or in beginnings)

_____tone (too casual for an academic essay)

_____very general, flat, uninteresting vocabulary

_____lack of supportive details/evidence

_____does not address the prompt accurately and/or completely

_____use of you and/or your

_____unacceptable errors (# of errors found:________)

OTHER ISSUES: